SELF CENTEREDNESS By GIFT UZUNMA IJIOMA

SELF CENTEREDNESS - RIGHT OR WRONG?

Self centeredness is a trait of being excessively concerned solely with one’s own desires, needs and interest. A state of being too interested in oneself and not caring about the needs or feelings of other people. Self centered people do not usually take the time to understand another person’s point of view or feelings.

There are various degrees of being self centered, but the general traits are the same: putting oneself first, only caring about one’s needs and wants, being unable to see another’s perspective, being uncaring of others. Being self centered is wrong, it is what often leads to so many failed relationships because self rumination often robs you of the capacity to tune in and attend to other people’s needs. It makes one not to be empathic. It is often vicious because the anxiety that drives negative self centered ruminations causes more anxiety. Self centeredness is said to be one of the most unappealing personality traits in a potential friend.

Every individual has a slight possibility of being self centered at one time or the other but the fact is that a self centered person behaves in that selfish way all the time. Truth is, dealing with self centered people is quite frustrating and difficult especially if you are in a serious relationship with them. One of my favorite writers, Joyce Meyer once said and I quote; “If we live a self centered, self directed, self motivated life, always needing to get our own way, then we are going to be miserable. In fact many times we believe it’s our problems that is making us unhappy when in reality, it’s because we are focused on only ourselves”.

The attitude of being self centered is too expensive. It is the cause of some addictions, personality disorders, anxiety disorders and depression. Anxiety drives self centeredness. It can be existential insecurity regarding our inherent worth, value, safety or wholeness. For some it is a painful sense of lack of integrity or authenticity. It is also true that most self centered people often feel threatened, vulnerable and anxiously insecure with others, therefore we can say that self-centeredness is also driven by pain. The pain is that we are not worthy or safely connected to others. 

COUNTERING SELF CENTEREDNESS

Self reflection can be quite helpful. For instance, thinking through our problems can be useful for problem solving, especially when done with others. This also helps to enhance insight through the help of others. Therefore, since self reflection can help us to develop a compassionate, insightful and accountable narrative of ourselves, then it can also promote healing and growth.

Secondly, practice mindfulness, as this helps to see and sets us free. You have to at least recognize that you are engaging in a very negative mental habit, then you can go ahead to identify its driving force. By mindfully not taking yourself personally, you defuse shame and unhook yourself from your self centeredness and lovingly focus outward on life.

Lastly, mindfully let go of self absorption, rather focus outward. Try to make this as intentional as possible in your daily life habits. Devote yourself and time to your true purpose; to nurture and savor life. Focus on others, reach out to them. Devote yourself to the practice of love in all your daily affairs. Be of service to others. Be helpful, generous and kind as you go through with your daily activities. Remember that giving is a gift you give to yourself.

ABOUT THE WRITER 

GIFT UZUNMA IJIOMA (OS/19B/3220), graduate of Plant Science/Biotechnology from Michael Okpara University of Agriculture, Umudike, Abia state.