On Self-Love and How It Affects Our Relationships
Self-love is loving yourself. Personally, I would say it’s treating yourself the way you’d treat a loved one; all the love and support you’d show someone you care about, you’d also show to yourself. And you know what? It isn’t always easy. Sometimes it can be downright difficult. Self-love is such a big deal that it affects not just how we treat ourselves, but our dynamic with others as well. It’s kind of weird when you think about it, right? Self-love is about you and your feelings toward yourself, so what does it have to do with your relationships with other people? I don’t have all the answers, but I do have some, so stick around and find out what they are.
You cannot have a healthy relationship with another person if you do not love yourself. That’s the basis for the rest of this piece. You just can’t. Lacking self-love doesn’t make you a terrible person, but it doesn’t make you a great friend either. It makes you dependent on another person to make up for what you lack, and that never ends well. You need your friend or partner to be your crutch. You need their love for you to be a stand-in for your self-love, and it’s just not reasonable. Or fair. Or sustainable.
Put yourself in the shoes of the person on the other end for a moment. Wouldn’t it be exhausting feeling this immense pressure to love someone else in order to make up for his or her lack of self-love? It would be an endless cycle of reassurance and affirmation; Of course I love you. Of course I think you’re great. You could never be a burden to me. Some people are saints and can perform this role until their dying breath, but the rest aren’t. They’re just human, and there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re bound to get tired at some point, which is perfectly understandable.
Others treat you the way they see you treat yourself. People can pick up on your lack of self-love, even if you aren’t constantly bemoaning the fact that you lack it. They can do this by observing you and listening to you. If you’re lucky to be surrounded by good people, then this won’t be a problem. There are those, however, who will see you struggle with loving yourself and choose to take advantage of that, because they know it would be easy for them to do so. They’ll manipulate you, gaslight you, and belittle you, because you have no armor. You have nothing to protect you from being whittled down to nothing.
In the end, self-love determines the healthiness of your relationships, as well as their dynamic. Self-love means healthier relationships, and an emotionally healthy you, which means that ultimately, it’s up to you. You are your own person. And relationships might end, but what’s between you and yourself? That’s forever. So, try to love yourself first, and then seek love from others.
OS/21B/3640
English Language and Literature
American University of Nigeria
Edo State
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