Can You Be in Love With Two People at the Same Time?

Can You Be in Love With Two People at the Same Time?

 

What to Do If You Have Strong Feelings for Multiple People at Once. When we think of love — true love, romantic love, passionate love — we tend to think of two people who mean everything to each other, ultimately blocking out the possibility of anyone else entering into the picture.

And if a single person claims to be “in love” with two different people they aren’t currently dating, it’s easy to write that off as just two separate crushes of similar intensity. For many people, the notion of being in love precludes it being applied to two people at once — to them, love is necessarily a feeling you can only feel for one person at any given time.

What Does It Mean to Be in Love With Someone?

 

Before getting into whether it’s possible to be in love with two people at the same time, it’s important to try to define what “being in love” means to begin with. Love is a big concept with a long history, and it’s hard to imagine a culture without a term for it, or a person who’s never uttered the phrase “I love” about something, no matter how fleeting or small or strange the feeling. In that vein, it’s not only possible, but easy to simply love many people at once.

“It is certainly possible to love several people at once,” says Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., psychotherapist. “Think of family members, children, dear friends; you hold all of them in your heart at once.”

Meanwhile, it’s also possible — and, again, easy — to be attracted to multiple people at once. 

 

Is It Possible to Be in Love With Two People at the Same Time?

Taking the difference between “being in love” or “having a crush on” into account, being in love with two people simultaneously is certainly not the most common thing. It requires a depth of feeling and investment in romantic relationships that can be difficult for most people to maintain for more than one person at a time.

That being said, according to NYC-based dating coach Connell Barrett, it’s far from impossible.

“You can absolutely fall in love with two people at the same time,” he says. “Walt Whitman was right — you contain multitudes. Someone might bring out your confident, sexy date and you’ll love them for it. A second person might make you feel safe, loved and deeply connected, and you’ll also fall for that person. Suddenly, your brain is cranking out dopamine for both of them because they make you feel special and loved in different ways.”

However, the accidental-seeming aspect of the phrase “fall in love” when it comes to the two-person scenario is still something to call into question.

“You can be in love with one person because of who you see and honor in them, and simultaneously be in love with someone else for their very different yet equally resonant being,” notes House. “That being said, love is a choice. You don’t ‘fall’ in love. Instead, you choose to open your heart and see the beauty, feel the vulnerability, allow your guard to drop and your heart to open, and give yourself permission to feel and be in a state of love.”

As O’Reilly points out, there are also logistical considerations to take into account.

“The fact that we can love multiple people simultaneously doesn’t mean that everyone ought to have multiple simultaneous relationships that are romantic or sexual in nature,” she says. “It’s really up to you to decide what feels good and what you have the capacity for. You may not have the time, energy or resources to manage two romantic relationships at the same time; or you might have the time, energy and resources to manage many romantic relationships at the same time.”

“On the flip side,” O’Reilly adds, “you may not feel fulfilled by monogamy. You may feel held back by having to limit your love for other potential partners. You may discover this by accident when you begin to feel love or attachment to multiple people at the same time.”

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