FORGIVE ME, I CANT HOLD BACK MUM.
FORGIVE ME, I CANT HOLD BACK MUM.
As Mrs Mary knocked on the because Shantel have not come out of her room to set out for school. Unfortunately for her Shantel was still lying down on the bed. Young lady what is the problem with you, aren't you going to school today? No response until Mrs Mary had no option but to spank Shantel but no movement only for her to notice that Shantel was lying than lifeless while she has been talking to a corpes.
As Mary cried out for help she noticed that note by her side with the title “ *Dear Sweet mum*,
I write this with a heart filled with Pains, knowing the amount of pain it is going to cause you.
Mum, I know you know I love you dearly and will ever love you. If I am I the opportunity to live again I will still choose you as my mum and our family will still be my place of birth.
Mum unfortunately, I know that such opportunity will never come.
Its not my will that I do this mum, but I was compelled by circumstances beyond my control to take the plunge.
Mum I really tried my best to pull through, but my best was not good enough. I battled alone for about 36 months now until this moment my strength failed me.
You and dad were so busy you could not detect what I was going through and yes maybe I should not blame you for it.
Nkem, My one and only brother was very close to understand what I was passing through but it was too cumbersome for his young mind to comprehend.
Not doubt Mum, you and dad loved me and did everything you could to prove to me but I was not feeling loved.
Everything i needed was provided for me more than I even wanted, you took me to places that most of my mates have not even heard of, yet despite all these my heart was love starved.
I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and feel the vacuum there.
The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family.
Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
Your brother, Uncle Godwin who came to live with us, proved to me that he has an answer to my question as he made me to believe that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for – companionship.
He chose to stay with me when you and dad were too busy to notice my loneliness.
He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but had only gadgets and teddy bears as my company. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness. And he did it perfectly and deeply.
Mum!, your brother my Uncle raped me and used me as sex toy for three whole years. I expected you or dad to notice but none of you did.
When he left our house last year I was shattered because I have grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him, but when he eventually left for Canada the magnitude of the emptiness in me became too heavy for me to carry.
I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and you and dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher.
Mum, that singular act instead of helping me fueled what is about to happen to me a few minutes from now.
The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle Godwin and, on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and making him to fill the gap that Godwin’s absence created in me.
Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there all alone? Couldn’t you for once have gone out of your way to just spend some quality time with me so that we could talk and know about your daughter's welfare?
There are many things I would have loved to say to you but I don’t want to add to your pain so let those other torments be buried with this undignified body of mine.
Please make sure that my brother Nkem doesn’t get to the point where I am now.
Also, tell your the world, and one that cares to listen, friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening with their beloved kids and create intimacy with them before it gets too late.
Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we the younger ones need.
I would have gone, long hours before you will get to read this note.
But one cheering thing is that Nkem is still there with you. Transfer the love you had for me to him.
My bank details and the passwords to my phones and laptops are all in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table inside your room.
I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle in my hand into my mouth but I am constrained to do it all the same.
Tell dad and Nkem that I love them. Tell our pastor that I will miss his sermons and long prayers. Tell my friends not to envy me.
Goodbye mum, don't know what to do but I seriously can't help it.”
That was the suicide note a 15-year old girl dropped for her mother before taking her life.0
Nyege, Confidence Bekwele
OS/19B/0001
A graduate of religious and cultural studies, Ignatius Ajuru University of Education, Rumuorlumeni, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
Nyege, an Ordained minister (Evangelist) in the Anglican Communion, Diocese of Niger Delta North. A second child in a family of four three Male and 1 Female.
A born teacher from the smallest family in the small village called Nkpolu Rumuigbo in Apara Kingdom of Obio/Akpor local government area of Rivers State. The recipient of several awards has his hobbies as: Writing, Teaching, Cooking,Singing, Reading and making friends. A passionate Teacher and young preacher for 12years. CBN as his called believes in change and know it begins with everyone. An Author of a good number of articles an books with just one published.
He wishes to be a PhD holder before 40.
Nyege, Confidence Bekwele Aka Confi-Beks wishes to be one of the lead figures in Nigeria. He believes that Nigeria is a unique nation and can be better.
Confi-Beks is currently serving his fatherland in Osogbo, Osun state, Nigeria where he is a member of the Editorial CDS and currently the Assist. Welfare Coordinator.
As Mrs Mary knocked on the because Shantel have not come out of her room to set out for school. Unfortunately for her Shantel was still lying down on the bed. Young lady what is the problem with you, aren't you going to school today? No response until Mrs Mary had no option but to spank Shantel but no movement only for her to notice that Shantel was lying than lifeless while she has been talking to a corpes.
As Mary cried out for help she noticed that note by her side with the title “ *Dear Sweet mum*,
I write this with a heart filled with Pains, knowing the amount of pain it is going to cause you.
Mum, I know you know I love you dearly and will ever love you. If I am I the opportunity to live again I will still choose you as my mum and our family will still be my place of birth.
Mum unfortunately, I know that such opportunity will never come.
Its not my will that I do this mum, but I was compelled by circumstances beyond my control to take the plunge.
Mum I really tried my best to pull through, but my best was not good enough. I battled alone for about 36 months now until this moment my strength failed me.
You and dad were so busy you could not detect what I was going through and yes maybe I should not blame you for it.
Nkem, My one and only brother was very close to understand what I was passing through but it was too cumbersome for his young mind to comprehend.
Not doubt Mum, you and dad loved me and did everything you could to prove to me but I was not feeling loved.
Everything i needed was provided for me more than I even wanted, you took me to places that most of my mates have not even heard of, yet despite all these my heart was love starved.
I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and feel the vacuum there.
The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family.
Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
Your brother, Uncle Godwin who came to live with us, proved to me that he has an answer to my question as he made me to believe that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for – companionship.
He chose to stay with me when you and dad were too busy to notice my loneliness.
He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but had only gadgets and teddy bears as my company. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness. And he did it perfectly and deeply.
Mum!, your brother my Uncle raped me and used me as sex toy for three whole years. I expected you or dad to notice but none of you did.
When he left our house last year I was shattered because I have grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him, but when he eventually left for Canada the magnitude of the emptiness in me became too heavy for me to carry.
I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and you and dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher.
Mum, that singular act instead of helping me fueled what is about to happen to me a few minutes from now.
The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle Godwin and, on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and making him to fill the gap that Godwin’s absence created in me.
Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there all alone? Couldn’t you for once have gone out of your way to just spend some quality time with me so that we could talk and know about your daughter's welfare?
There are many things I would have loved to say to you but I don’t want to add to your pain so let those other torments be buried with this undignified body of mine.
Please make sure that my brother Nkem doesn’t get to the point where I am now.
Also, tell your the world, and one that cares to listen, friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening with their beloved kids and create intimacy with them before it gets too late.
Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we the younger ones need.
I would have gone, long hours before you will get to read this note.
But one cheering thing is that Nkem is still there with you. Transfer the love you had for me to him.
My bank details and the passwords to my phones and laptops are all in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table inside your room.
I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle in my hand into my mouth but I am constrained to do it all the same.
Tell dad and Nkem that I love them. Tell our pastor that I will miss his sermons and long prayers. Tell my friends not to envy me.
Goodbye mum, don't know what to do but I seriously can't help it.”
That was the suicide note a 15-year old girl dropped for her mother before taking her life.0
Nyege, Confidence Bekwele
OS/19B/0001
A graduate of religious and cultural studies, Ignatius Ajuru University of Education, Rumuorlumeni, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
Nyege, an Ordained minister (Evangelist) in the Anglican Communion, Diocese of Niger Delta North. A second child in a family of four three Male and 1 Female.
A born teacher from the smallest family in the small village called Nkpolu Rumuigbo in Apara Kingdom of Obio/Akpor local government area of Rivers State. The recipient of several awards has his hobbies as: Writing, Teaching, Cooking,Singing, Reading and making friends. A passionate Teacher and young preacher for 12years. CBN as his called believes in change and know it begins with everyone. An Author of a good number of articles an books with just one published.
He wishes to be a PhD holder before 40.
Nyege, Confidence Bekwele Aka Confi-Beks wishes to be one of the lead figures in Nigeria. He believes that Nigeria is a unique nation and can be better.
Confi-Beks is currently serving his fatherland in Osogbo, Osun state, Nigeria where he is a member of the Editorial CDS and currently the Assist. Welfare Coordinator.
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