UNSEEN VOICES

Walking down the road I think about all that has happened to me, I keep wondering when all this would end. I’d had to move out of my former crib because I couldn’t afford the rent anymore, and more so, everyone I knew was acting weird around me, saying I needed to see a doctor, I was acting all strange and shit! I stop for a brief moment to stare at some children jumping around happily down the other street, I smile ironically; life is a bitch anyways, one minute you’re up and the next you’re struggling to be on your feet. A chilly air slices through my hair, I pull on my hood, shove my hands in my pockets and walk on, kicking a small stone along the way. My stomach rumbles, damn I am hungry! I pull out a naira note from my pocket, its a hundred, lucky me, must’ve been the left over from the money some nice man gave me some days ago… Great! I have been subjected to alms too. I get to the bend, ahhh nice… “Buns!” I call out; “Bunsss! Ah! If you dey sell market you no go put ear down?” The guy turns around and walks towards me, drops the mini showglass and opens it; “How much own you want?” I look down at him, his face all sweaty and blackened from the heat of the scotching sun, his forehead had thick, deep undulating lines that looked like those from the bars of a WiFi network. Anyhow, in a corner of my mind, I wish I could trade places with him, at least he had a source of income; “Gimme fifty naira own, abeg look for soft one o!” He obliges, I pay him, get my balance and walk past him, digging into my brunch. I sit on a bench outside a locked up shop nearby, finish up my snack and mope for a while and then I lie down and dose off.

I wake up on the side of the road, all tied up, quite a number of people staring down at me. They start mumbling as I blink, stuffs I cant make out; “Whats going on?” I ask; “Why am I tied up?”

They exchange curious looks for some seconds and mumble some more;

“Can someone explain to me what I have done to deserve this? Or better still untie me? What’s all this nonsense about?” I raise my voice as I get impatient. A car parks beside the scene and a young man alights and walks towards us;

“Whats going on here?” he demands as he reaches us.

“Who be you?” An old man in the crowd retorts.

“Sir, my name is Doctor David Ike, I was driving by and saw the crowd and thought to stop and see if its something I can help with.”

The old man pushes through the crowd and walks towards him, leaning heavily on his walking stick.

“Na this girl wey we see just dey do somehow this afternoon, small time she enter road just dey talk dey shout like say she dey follow person fight, na me tell boys for area make them go catch am come before she go enter market, because that one na final!” he explains.

“What? What did he just say? Thats not true!” I explain; “Last I remember was trying to take a short nap on a bench in front of a shop! How can you say that? Do I look or sound like a mad person to you?”

“Na by that one?” a lady shouts from the crowd; “them no dey write madness for face o! na small small e dey start!”

I close my eyes so tight I could feel my eye balls bulging from the back of my lids, hot tears run down my face, God, what is happening to me? The young man speaks up; “If you all would allow me, I would like to take her to my hospital to run a few checkups and know what to do next.”

The old man assesses him for a while before answering; “Na which kind doctor you be self?” he asks.

The young man smiles as he draws out his card from his jacket; “I’m a psychiatrist.” He replies.

“Backslash!” the old man calls out;

“Sir!” A boy answers and walks forward, he appears to be a teenager. The old man collects the card and hands it to the boy; “Na wetin dey this card my pikin? tell me.”

The boy reads through and hands it back to the old man; “Na doctor wey dey treat mad people him be papa!” he replies.

The old man collects the card; “Okay. You fit carry her go, but me go keep this one with me incase anything happen, we go know where to come find you, abi how you see am?”

The young man smiles again; “Oh thats okay sir, no problem at all.” He gestures towards the boys; “Please help me untie her, thank you.”

I watch with wet eyes as they untie me; “Thank you, thank you.” I keep saying with a shaky voice, I get up and walk with Doctor David, once inside the car, I burst into tears, harsh racking sobs, he gets in behind the wheels, hands me a handkerchief and starts driving while I just cry.

Wow! This hospital is mighty. Under different circumstances, I would love to apply here. We walk past the reception as nurses greet; Good afternoon sir! Good afternoon sir! then look at me strangely, I pull on my hood and shove my hands in my pockets again and look straight ahead; what an irony indeed! I used to work in a hospital some time ago! Finally, we get to his office, he gestures to a chair and I pull it out and sit; “Thank you sir.” I mutter, I try to straighten my clothes and dust them, then re-straighten them again, anything to occupy my idle hands.

“So, what can I call you miss?” his question jolts me out of my meaningless chore;

“Errr, my name is Simi.” I answer as I look up at him slowly.

He smiles once our eyes meet; “Okay miss Simi, tell me about yourself.”

I pause a little and then I start talking, I tell him everything, from my first job to the flight and to the point he saw me all tied up. He takes down notes as I talk, when I’m done, he looks up at me for a while, the he asks; “Earlier today, before you woke up where I met you, can you remember hearing voices? Anything like that at all?”

There’s a pang of pain in my head as the question hits me, but I show no sign of feeling it; “Yes I did, I heard voices, I’ve been hearing voices for a while now, but I always think they’re all dreams.”

He nods as he takes down notes; “I’m going to keep you here for a while Miss Simi, do you have any family you would like to contact?” I shake my head slowly; “Okay, come with me then.” He gets up and gestures for me to follow, I get up and walk with him. We go up the stairs and into an empty room, theres a bed in one corner, cameras around, a window on one end and all other stuffs that I take in in one glance. “Make yourself comfortable please, I’ll be back shortly, I need to make my rounds, I hope you understand.”

I nod as he explains; “Of course, take your time.” He walks out and shuts the door.

I walk to the bed and lie down, I feel my muscles relax as I close my eyes and breathe slowly, eventually, I’ll be fine, I have to be fine! I try to encourage myself. “Really?” I jerk up and open my eyes, breathing heavily, I look around, I could’ve sworn I heard someone speak. Anyway, there’s no one here with me, and this is a really safe place, I think I should take a good nap now, oh my, I really need it after all that went down earlier.
“You’re so pathetic Simi!” I stir in my sleep; “No I’m not.”

“Ha really? And who are you to judge? Look at you, just think dear, you had a life, at least for a while, now what do you do? You should've died in that flight!”

I stir again; “Noooooo…” I mumble; “Go awaayyyy.” I sit up on the bed.

” You really think anybody wants to help you? No one will help you! Your landlord and the people who knew you, what did they do to help you? Nothing. Yes! Absolutely nothing! And this man, who claims to be a doctor, after hearing your story, instead of helping you with a job, he put you in a ward! Every one treats you like a mad person! Nobody understands you like I do! Don’t you see?”

My head seems to be floating now; “But who are you?” I ask dreamily.

“There’s no need for that now, the most important thing is that I have a great plan, you need to get out of here and go to a place where nobody knows you and start your life afresh!”

I look around the room; “Great, it’s not like I can leave here without anyone noticing!”

“Trust me, I have it all planned out, just walk to that window, and jump down, dont be scared, you’ll be safe, just do as I say and we’ll continue from there. Hurry before someone comes up!”

I get up and stagger to the window, get on the seal and look down, fear grips me and I hesitate;

“Trust me, I gat this, I gat you.”

I close my eyes and lean forward, as my feet get ready to leave the seal, strong hands grab me from behind and in a split second I find myself looking into Doctor David’s eyes, and then I pass out.

Message: There's no health without mental health.
Seek help when you notice anything funny in your behaviour...
There's no shame in it, most successful people today, have therapists.
Find a trusted person to talk to when you feel overloaded, preferably a professional.
You never can tell what a person is going through inside, just by looking at them...
Stop stigmatization!